Beanie Culture: A Case Study at Middlebury College
Libby Scaperotta
Hats. Hats. Hats. They’re everywhere. Everywhere you turn, someone’s wearing a damn Carhartt beanie in Ross. Cool trucker hat in Proc? You can’t escape it.
I love hats, I won’t lie. And, I am an avid observer of people that wear hats. The beanie culture here at Middlebury is incredibly unique in its variety and magnitude. I have spent the last few years of my academic career closely monitoring the hats of the student body and, luckily for you, I will take this humble opportunity to share my deeply attuned analysis here. I keep a close eye out in the dining halls as soon as the first leaf turns orange and until the last flake of snow melts in April.
I have categorized beanies under several categories, as noticed at Middlebury:
(Disclaimer: I have absolutely no real merit in making any judgment on these hats. I don’t even wear beanies, really. Please do not take these seriously.)
The Micro-Beanie
This is the beanie that is just so small. It is unbelievably small. Most often sported by skateboarders and skiers alike: this beanie is stylish. Objectively. But, it lacks any real warmth that a beanie should provide (Ears remain uncovered).
I deeply associate this style with people that are from the western half of the United States.
I wish I could pull off this beanie.
Warmth: 1/10
Looks: 10/10
Steeze: 11/10
The Tall Beanie
This is the beanie that I most often see in the dining hall. Typically, these hats are knit Carhartts, the brand that we all know and love here at Middlebury. However, a key facet of this hat style is its secret absurd length. These hats must be at least three feet long. Your whole head is fully covered, but there’s just so much more hat left. You could hide something in there. Ratatouille-style.
Warmth: 9/10
Length: 10/10
Hiding Potential: 10/10
The Beanie (The Classic)
This is typical. This is classic. This is warm.
Warmth: 9/10
Practicality: 10/10
Steeze: 8/10
The Mega Beanie
This beanie looks incredibly warm and comfortable. Sometimes, the Mega Beanie even has extra features, such as ear flaps, tassels, or that fold-up part in the front. Very cozy. There is one drawback, however: Its overwhelming warmth could cause heat stroke while packing a sandwich for your nordic ski trip in Proctor. Wear wisely.
Warmth: 10/10
Safety: 6/10 (Must be removed before entering warm dining hall)
How Much I (Personally) Want this Hat: 10/10
The Are You Even Wearing a Beanie? Beanie
This beanie is simply barely hanging onto the top of your head. It may be often confused with the Tall Beanie, but there are key differences to mention. The Tall Beanie is fully on one’s head. This beanie is not. It is perched. Does this style even provide any warmth? How do you walk around without it falling off? Is it secretly pinned on? I don’t understand the physics behind it. To be completely honest, I am incredibly impressed by those that are able to balance this hat.
Warmth: 0/10
Balance: 10/10
Practicality: 0/10
Hat-Beanie Combo Beanie
Are you ski touring? Are you my Dad? This is an incredibly practical hat style. It allows the sun-blocking ability of a baseball hat to collaborate with the warmth of a knit beanie in order to create the most genius headwear invention. Perfect for your outdoor adventures.
Warmth: 10/10
Practicality: 10/10
Steeze: 10/10
The Orange Beanie
Hunting Season! These are cool. I like the orange. Very safe and cautious in these Fall months while outdoors.
Warmth: 9/10
Visibility:10/10
Safety: 10/10
The Skida Beanie
To be honest, the Skida empire and its power over Middlebury College students is undeniably impressive. These beanies are awesome for outdoor activities and the patterns are adorable. If you wear a Skida beanie, I’ll think you’re cool and that you also would smoke me if we hiked up the Bowl together. (My roommate loves her Skida beanie and she’s a very fast hiker).
Warmth: 8.7/10
(I actually have no clue how warm they are I have never worn one, but this is an educated guess)
Pattern: 10/10
Hiking speed: 10/10
Although the beanie styles at Middlebury College are endless, these top few offer an overview of the campus’ style. Keep an eye out next time you are in a dining hall and let me know what you see.
Remember: No matter how you wear your beanie, it’s cool.